Fear is such a pervasive quality/emotion/state. Fear, the root of all behaviors, manifests in different ways. This morning began with a full cup of benign fear-based control.

I haven’t traveled with my parents in several years, and during that gap I have become an independent, present and savvy traveler. I could compare this time with my family to the experience of reconnecting with an old friend who you realize, as the rendezvous progresses, hasn’t changed one bit. Their habits are familiar and cute, but as you watch them play out an old scene, it is easier to see them, now that you have some distance from the scene yourself.

The GPS announced a turn, with two echoes. My eyes caught a car speeding into the lane, a reaction, then two delayed warnings. The old family habit of asserting authority over every aspect of the driving experience was resurrected once the car was unlocked. It is funny to have pistachios withheld from you while driving for the sake of safety. My subconscious and peripheral vision have navigated for me while I scooped oatmeal into my face during a gear shift many times, with success.

All of the unsolicited assistance aside, I enjoy the mirror and barometer that my loving family provides. I was able to see clearly the level of freedom from fear I’ve reached. In the past, I would have been overwhelmed and upset by all of the advice. Fear paralysis, my old friend! Instead, while I did not handle it all with grace, I stayed seated in my own peace and from that place, saw these old habits as just something that was there. It was not in response to me or what I was doing. Oh how life has gotten easier!

During the day we visited Fatima, a Knights Templar site and made an unplanned stop at a winery. The contrast between the experience my parents had at each site was stark. My family enjoys authentic and unique experiences. Sure, everyone does, but really, many limit the potential for them to happen based on their difficulty stepping into an unknown. I felt sad for my mother when we visited Fatima. While it was something to see, she had truly wanted that authentic and unique version, which we simply did not find.

The castle in Tomar lifted their spirits and enthusiasm some, however, the thing that lit them up like Christmas trees was the impromptu visit to the winery. We met a gentleman from our town in Delaware (of course, in Portugal) who recommended a different route home than we had planned. It took us through valleys and hills covered with fields of grape vines and apple and pear orchards. There must be a winery tucked in the hills somewhere? We checked and there was. We drove deeper into the hills up and down narrow, steep streets. The place we found was renovated and beautiful. A group from LA was doing a wine tour and the owner of the winery graciously provided us with a tour and a free tasting. We spent the time chatting and consuming wine and chicken nuggets (?).

Everyone’s mood was soaring. A simple detour had created such joy, while the amazing monument we had visited earlier had inspired much less. As we strolled to the car with a full box of wine, my Mom said that I could make the picks from now on (maybe). The authentic, unique experience had inspired joy and trust in them. Being present where we were and open to life did that. Beautiful to see them happy and alive. Even more beautiful: neither of them withheld the pistachios from me on the rest of the drive home.

The winery: https://www.vinhoscortem.com