“What were you good at when you were a kid?”
This question is often asked when you’re having trouble deciding what career path to take, but this simple question can help you answer something so much bigger: what do I want?
I recently participated in a 100 day course sponsored by The Ancient Secrets Foundation. The course was a sampling of concepts of Ayurvedic and Siddha Vedic medicine. The methods involve addressing health in several ways, including addressing your lifestyle. During the course this concept was emphasized:
“the three most important things to achieve in life: to know what you want, to achieve what you want and to enjoy what you have achieved”
They pointed out that most people don’t even know what they want, so they move through life without purpose and therefore without fulfillment. Inevitably, not knowing what you want can eventually lead to disease.
I spent most of my life not wanting to take a moment to even evaluate what I wanted on a grander scale because I was afraid subconsciously that if I did, I would have to put forth effort to do something about it. The course was one of many reminders of how important knowing what you want is, but it is the one that finally made it through the semipermeable membrane, of the spiritual order.
When I was younger I knew what I wanted and felt free to express inspiration through any channel that was open within me. As life progressed, I adopted the belief that it is unsafe to express what I want, or to try to get it, and the raging river of inspiration was dammed up. I spent many years feeling like I was floating about without purpose, all the while having this feeling bubbling inside me that I had something important to do. As I continually handed decisions over to others it eventually resulted in my unconscious choice to be a victim. Then, my body began breaking down.
Reinstalling the code of “what I want” began from the body level for me, since that was what I could see clearly at the time (thanks to a timely education in MNRI). Now, as I continue to delete programs that weren’t mine, I explore “what I want” on many levels. The options I had used to paralyze me, and now I feel excited to have so many (an infinite number, of course). I always had that many, the only difference was the programming limiting my flow of inspiration.
A friend, Tracy Kumbera, today wrote something about inspiration; how we often mistake the feeling of unexpressed inspiration for anxiety. The advice or clarity I need often comes from others at the perfect time, and this was no exception. I found myself considering how different it felt to have ideas flowing into my being now that I’ve started writing, compared to just 3 days ago. Previously, I perceived the inspiration to write as being pushed into a state of overwhelm and disorganization. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but it was happening because I wasn’t allowing the inspiration to be expressed.
I often have ideas when I am as far from paper as possible and my hands and attention are fully occupied. As I rode my mountain bike through the woods of Sintra and later drove the little stick shift Clio around the curvy roads overlooking the ocean, I felt ideas flowing. It was a much different feeling than before. It was calm, and a knowing that I would not lose them. It felt like trust. Trust between myself and…myself. The opposite of the anxiety-building-up feeling I had had just 3 days ago.
When my Mother asked me years ago what I was good at when I was young, or what I liked, the answer was writing (it must have been adventure, too?). So after years of resistance and confusion, I’m finally re-discovering how it feels to be aligned with what I want.
Resources to help realize what you want:
Breadcrumbs. 