It will be only a few days until I am on my own. I am excited to return to my wandering style of experiencing life, but there is a peripheral worry that I haven’t grasped fully how different wandering for 8 months continuously will be. I feel like it doesn’t matter. I’m not out here to worry. Actually, it feels like what I’m experiencing is more of an awareness than a worry.

I know in my mind that everything will be fine, but as usual, it takes time for my heart to catch up. My heart always makes the best decisions however, so I would be best served if the order of integration was reversed, or if my mind just sat on the bench for most of the game.

The other day, I saw a man a few years older than me walking his dog. He had affixed a small radio to the dog’s harness and was blasting tunes, and had set sunglasses on the dogs nose. The dog appeared to be an accessory, not a mate. I felt pangs of discomfort in my chest that were only worsened by the man yanking the dog away from the grass as he repeatedly tried to squat to relieve himself.

I know in Portugal they don’t treat animals the same. They serve a purpose instead of being a pet. This is similar to how animals were sometimes treated on the Navajo Nation. I know however, that there is a way to allow animals to fulfill their purpose while still treating them as equals. Many people have lost their sense of connection to…everything outside of themselves, and it manifests in the mistreatment of others.

My former dog Maple (now adopted) is a border collie and blue healer. A working dog. She loved me, as well as chasing me on a bike through the desert, but I knew she was sad. With me, she wasn’t fulfilling her purpose or doing what came naturally to her. I guess in a way, she was fighting what her soul wanted her to do every day because she loved being with me.

Today, I sat at a restaurant overlooking the city of Sintra and reflected on being in alignment with one’s purpose. The thought of settling in a place like Sintra was appealing, but only momentarily. Settling somewhere now feels like what I imagine it felt like to Maple to walk on a leash. This beautiful, lightening bolt of a being designed to run and play was dragging down the sidewalk behind me because of a Delaware law. I felt disheartened every time I had to clip the blue tether to her collar. Neither of us liked the other to be restricted.

For a long time I thought something was wrong with me because I wanted to move around and change things so often; because I was craving adventure constantly. A typical structure didn’t feel like it was for me, but that was what I did for a long time, fearing leaving the norm but still searching for ways out of it.

At the restaurant, I watched all of the people walking by and reminded myself that each soul makes a choice to come into a body to have a different experience. Source/God chooses to experience everything. I go through cycles of remembering this, especially when I feel underprepared for the adventure I am about to embark on.

Occasionally I feel like the lack of plan that I have may be an issue. Other times, it seems that I may not be ready to see some of the things I may see (I do understand that the example of the man and his dog is like watching Barney compared to things I could be seeing). Very few times I think about where this is going in the larger picture of my life. Most of the time though, I trust that everything will be exactly as I need it to be and I will be successful at giving my soul what it wants: a life that is a continuous adventure.

I am excited to see and experience everything that the universe brings to me, even if it is difficult. Michael Singer, in his course Living From a Place of Surrender said (paraphrased of course) that every experience you have and emotion you have is yours to learn from. For this reason, you should love it and own it. Thank it. To honor it however you want to, but it will serve you no good to avoid it and be disappointed that it is happening.

Today I felt fear, sadness, loss, frustration and so much resistance to simple things. Every emotion is not gracefully navigated, but I remember to love each emotion and thank each experience, for being there to teach me. So, I thank my fears, moments of confusion and especially the memories from the past that rise up to be released, as I prepare to head out on my own. I also thank my sense of awareness, for it is one of the most valuable tools that I have.

Learn more from Michael Singer here:

https://www.amazon.com/Living-from-Place-of-Surrender-audiobook/dp/B07XJYYSR3