I feel like I’m on fire.

As I’ve been spending time with my new German friends on the Camino, they want to know phrases we have in English, so I’ve been sharing when I can think of one. English is funny. Phrases and individual words have multiple meanings.

So, “I’m on fire,” in this case, has multiple meanings (hang on to your seats, my German friends).

I’ve been asked multiple times, as is expected, why I’m walking the Camino. The truth is not exciting; someone recommended it. So I give this response, then share why I’m making the entire trip I’m on.

I’m on a mission. I’m here to let go. I’m here to experience what is meant for me. From the first day of the walk, I have been on fire. I’ve met mirrors, clarifiers, enhancers, and helpers. I haven’t made one single plan and everything has flowed perfectly. My thoughts are manifesting within the same day. And most importantly to me, I’m being challenged to understand new ways to love; myself, friends, strangers, life.

My chest feels like it is on fire. I’ve spent years suppressing emotions because I felt it was too painful to show them or feel them. They are waking up. I’m knee-deep in an intensive exposure session that is digging up old pain and replacing it with new love.

When I would meet with a meditation community I am a part of, people would often describe having “love attacks.” I would listen silently, not having any concept of what this meant. I wanted to understand, but I may not have had the right inspiration and the right amount of space to allow it to happen at that time. Now, I lay here with a fire burning in my chest. It hasn’t stopped for four days.

I’ve had this feeling before but this time, as you could guess, is different. There isn’t any need in it. There is a desire to express it, sure, but it has permission to be there, peacefully existing under my sternum. I don’t have to do anything with it. In the past, this would have been painful. I would have impatiently looked for someone to give it to or to return it. It is only mildly easier to be present with it than it was before, mostly because of the intensity, but it doesn’t have control over me. I’m still free in here.

In a sarcastic way, I’m attracting many moments of pain and processing. Usually I have several weeks of feeling neutral or positive; now I’m on a corkscrew rollercoaster. I feel good and happy, with over-layers of a full spectrum of emotions, changing by the minute sometimes.

Due to all of the shifts in emotions, there are a lot of shifts in my energy. I’m expanding. New abilities to sense what is around and within me are coming each day. They are subtle, but I can see them more clearly than I have been able to be past. With ease of clarity comes more trust in myself.

The Albergues have been hot so I am “on fire” during most of the evenings, but tonight, the only fire I feel is within me. The Camino is giving me the opportunity to see that I’m not the only one on fire. There is inspiration all around me. My walking crew, people I meet, most of all my soul sister, are opening new doors for themselves and morphing into brighter butterflies than the day before. I am proud to be here with all of the pilgrims walking for whatever reason they have. I feel inspired for the rest of my journey, beyond Santiago, but am appreciating the vortex I’m in for now, because some of the magic will leave with my friends and love. I know we will stay connected though.

Four more days to Santiago. Let the magic live on and the fire keep burning!

Goodnight.