It has been a few days. I meant to write every day, but I feel that the intensity of the last week has resulted in a lot of change, without a stable feeling or realization to put down on paper. Staying grounded and present are so important, but it feels difficult to maintain when I am changing so rapidly. It almost seems like the two aren’t meant to be simultaneous states. I know that being grounded and present only make change easier and allow for the changes to be conscious, rather than feeling forced into them.

A few days ago, an owner of one of the Albergues pointed out that being present in my body would help me with my mission. In this case, it was being present in my heart. I’ve heard this from Bao as well. Probably from many others. Seems that sometimes it takes a few times for me to process and integrate the information, but eventually after 3-5 different taps from the universe, I get it. Now it is taking less taps.

Over the past few days, I’ve been trying to “gather” myself and reel the pieces back into my heart when I notice I’m not working from that space. It is coming with more ease as I practice, but right now it feels like a mechanical process. I don’t fully know what it means to be present there. When I’m tired, I find myself pulling my consciousness back into my brain so I can sit behind my eyes and be level with the world around me. I used to work constantly at this. Now, it feels occasional, but the swift changes and lack of stable ground had me working overtime this week.

A benefit of the above situation has been that I’m seeing more now. People call them visions, and I’m sure many other things. I can see what is in front of me, I can see where things will end up if I make certain moves, like life is a chess game, I suppose. I can see much farther than that also, and I’m working on allowing this skill to become part of me. I want it to be a part of me that works for the greatest good.

I used to be dissociated all of the time. I had my own space that was a half of a foot above my head and to the right side. I spent my time there, turning thoughts over and allowing whatever to tumble into the space. I took my life force and put it next to my body.

Now, I moved back in, and am accepting being here. I feel like I have accepted it for the most part. Moving back in had a lot of benefits: my health improved, the spectrum of my emotions broadened, I found an ability to see life and other people from a new perspective, among others. Maybe this is a “with great power comes great responsibility” scenario, but mostly, I feel that it is just important to integrate the skills I am learning and to continue to be respectful of everyone around me.

I know being in your body helps you achieve more in the way of supernatural abilities, so I want to be in it. I also want to be present in my body because I want to be able to relatable. I want to have memories that stick. I want people to feel listened to when they talk to me. I want to say genuine things to people at the moment I feel them.

I didn’t expect to write any of this when I sat down. I never have expectations though, just a lot of ideas. They float in a cloud over my head and I pull them down when I need one or a situation calls for something I don’t have. A friend of mine caught me in my idea cloud tonight during our conversation. She called it dissociating. She called it a trauma response. I don’t know the difference. My mind has always worked this way. I guess I do know though. I’ve spent so much time making the transition. It doesn’t feel like the days when I used to leave my connection to the earth to deal with what was uncomfortable for my inner self.

So, as this rapid change occurs, I find myself expanding. Expanding comes from the center out, while dissociating starts outside of me. It feels like there is space between my body and me, but when I expand, I am everything from my body to the limit of the space I expand into. When I feel exhausted, mostly when I sit down to rest mid-Camiño-ing, I feel expansion. Automatic, uninhibited expansion. After many years of dissociating, this state feels so good.