There are several key lessons that I am backpacking to learn: to let go of old patterns that do not serve me, to face fears, to become unattached to any outcome and therefore to be unconditional, and to develop a mature and loving relationship with myself filled with trust.

As I’ve moved through village life in the South of France, I can see and feel large differences in how I am processing the world and reacting to it. I can feel patterns surfacing and dissolving. I can feel myself and the guidance I’m receiving becoming clearer and clearer.

Yesterday, my intuition spoke to me loudly throughout the day as several events transpired. To most, it will have looked like a normal day, however, at the end of the evening as I shared what happened, my friends and I giggled with appreciation for how clearly this path towards what I want was unfolding.

It began with packing up my tent and saying goodbye to a young boy and his father who I had spent time with at the last campground. The boy was sad. I could see myself in him, as he teased me and attempted to boss me around throughout the days, and then hid in his father’s lap when I said it was time for me to leave. The immature patterns of demonstrating affection expected of a 5 year old thankfully were out of my system, although the evolution has been fairly recent for me. As I saw his face shift from a smile to a contorted frown, I felt love for the boy. Then, as we parted, the love spread; to other friends, to his father, to nature, to myself. This new phenomenon gained momentum as the day progressed.

For context, the day before, I had been meditating and saw myself (my consciousness, not my body) in a cave filled with gold. I had pulled all of the gold into me, absorbed the energy, then returned the gold to where I had found it. The gold then had turned grey. I came out of the meditation because I had heard the boy politely creeping around near me waiting for my eyes to open.

After my farewell with the father and son at the campground, my friend I had made while hitch-hiking picked me up to go to Rennes-le-Château to see the castle. The history of the town includes a great mystery. A priest had come into a large fortune without explanation or knowledge of the source. As he used the fortune to build a space for entertaining guests, etc., the church became upset, believing that the fortune had been obtained in unsavory ways, and removed him from his post. He continued to give services to the people. When he died, the fortune disappeared and the knowledge of its location was lost forever when his maid died years after him. People have gone to the town to dig and search for the treasure, but no one has solved the mystery.

I realized that my meditation had potentially shown me the hiding place of a treasure. As I explained what I had seen to my friend, he asked where it was. Where? I had never thought to ask where. I don’t usually ask questions, I just watch and see what comes to me. Nothing felt like a mistake or loss. The treasure didn’t feel important. More important was the message I had received and as well as waiting to see how it translated on its own into this material world. There was no loss or guilt. It felt good to step back and see things from a different perspective; something more feminine.

At lunch, I met the girlfriend of my friend who had been so kind to take me to Rennes-le-Château. The energy felt…uncomfortable. I seek out being uncomfortable, but this didn’t seem like an energy I could work with. It was an old pattern, and it wasn’t mine. Trauma from past relationships created a valley between us. My friend felt that his intentions were pure, so there was no problem, but as we drove back to the fountaine de l’amour for another swim together (without her), I explained this point of view. I have encountered this situation many times and it was time to break the pattern. In the past, I’ve had many older male friends. I feel their intentions are pure, however, if they are in a relationship, the women often have a difficult time seeing things in the same way. In the past, I would have stuck around and waited for the woman to move past whatever blocks they had. Yesterday, I confidently declined the invitation to stay the night at their shared home and explained to my friend my perspective. He understood. It felt good to be honest and to set boundaries for myself. I didn’t want to be in that situation again. It seemed odd that I had allowed myself to become the projection of other people’s insecurities so many times in the past.

I had really felt like it was time to move on to Rennes-les-Bain before the day had begun, but was ignoring the feelings because I wanted to spend time with my new friend and having a plan for the day felt comforting. It isn’t surprising to me that the universe brought the above-mentioned situation to push me towards what was coming next.

We descended to the fountaine de l’amour and found that it was much more full than the day before. I could see people engaging in play, as well as spiritual practices. I had promised my friend the day before that I would do my evolving method of healing for his back. Sometimes, the right moment to start isn’t when I say I will help; it comes later. So yesterday as I stood in the cool turquoise water, I felt the channels in my hands start to open. It would be new for me to use the water as a way to transmit energy. I grounded myself and pulled Source to my head. My shield was up. I heard a girl behind me singing softly and pulled that energy into what had begun to unfold in the water. My friend came near and I signaled to him that I was working. He stood still and faced the waterfall. After a minute, his body started moving. I’ve seen this before at Joe Dispenza events. It is a jerky movement that seems impossible to create consciously. After some minutes, I felt the place that I had left him (a tree on top of a mountain with an eagle perched nearby) was sufficient and stopped. He smiled and a few others in the pool came over. As they asked me what was happening, I felt neutral. No ego. How beautiful! I felt a sense of safety and was drawn to this new group.

Sometimes I can see how naturally everyone is moving in and out like a gracefully played game of chess. As I sat with the new group, my older friend moved away and got dressed. He asked me to come with him to go to our next activity. With confidence, I stated clearly and gently my intention to stay with this new group. I’ve never done this before. It felt easy and natural. In the past I would have felt obligated to do what I no longer wanted to do because I had said I would do it, or was afraid of hurting someone else. It felt good to leave space for my friend to react how he wanted and to not try to manage his feelings. He received my request well.

I set off with my new friends on foot. We arrived at a campground, where soon after arrival, we sat in a circle talking. One retrieved a small amount of wine from their cabin. We giggled like teenagers as we pretended to hide the bottle (the campground doesn’t allow alcohol). In such an organic way, we found ourselves in some kind of ceremony. We each spoke our intentions into the wine, then drank from it. I am not as sensitive in my perception of energy as many others (end though I can work with it well), so I appreciated and felt awe as I watched each person drink from the glass and fill with joy. I guess the joy I received from watching them was my version of what they were experiencing.

We had a collective dinner up on a tree house balcony. The conversation was a collection of languages. English, Spanish, Hungarian, French, Italian. Sometimes all in one sentence. Everyone understood.

In the evening, one of the men told me we would go to another spiritual site the next day. This one was a throne in the rocks said to be an energetic merging of the masculine and feminine energy. Not coincidentally, this has been a theme for me during this trip. As the conversation flowed, I felt at home. The choice to follow myself here felt good. It felt in alignment, and therefore, I felt peace.