“Si tu montes les montagnes, tu choisir la liberte sur la securite”

A friend this week said this to me…or this is what I heard. I use a lot of context to understand French, so I don’t always get the phrase correct or even have a complete understanding of what I hear, but I get by. So, it means if you’re climbing mountains, you’re choosing freedom over security. The mountains aren’t literal, of course, but a symbol of being a pioneer, challenging yourself, etc.

I realized today that this adventure that I’ve embarked upon has left me without much security. I think I subconsciously knew I needed less security to accomplish my goal of having the freedom I want, both in the “of the world” sense and in the spiritual sense. In the past year or so, I’ve worked hard on transforming my limiting behaviors and traits into a fine powder and summoning a strong wind to blow them away. Back then, my house was on solid ground. The things around me were familiar and I was comfortable. I had security, while I disassembled the old version of myself.

In the past, security allowed me to accomplish a lot. It opened the door for me to change. Eventually, as I crossed the threshold of risk into benefit, having security became a hindrance. I felt stagnant to some degree. Big change and opportunities to grow we’re only coming when I travelled. Opportunities to work on myself did come, but the waterfall had stopped and had become a trickle.

Today I realized what the universe has pushed me to do. It answered my call, of course, as it always does. I think it knows I didn’t ask for it to be done gently, but it is being gentle with me nonetheless. I have found myself without security. Yes, I have money saved, I have a phone, I know some people around, I speak some French, but I do not have the foundation of a routine, a place to live or anything familiar at all.

I said this morning that today I’ll do what feels good. I now know what that meant to me in the moment was not how it is intended. In that moment, I meant that I’ll find security today, in the form of things that are familiar, but outside of me. I’ve reflected on this, and things that feel good are not related to security at all, they are related to freedom. Freedom to move through life and feel, and act on those feelings. Finding security, well, the only way it would be helpful to me and my growth, would be to find that security within myself. Security within gives freedom, and allows you to do what feels good, in the way that facilitates alignment.

So, the universe was a little delayed in granting me security today and because of this, I am on a bus, alone. (The man I had met on my first days in town ran into my other friends in a shop near the bus stop I was at, who happened to be going to Carcassonne today and offered a ride just moments after I took my seat and the bus pulled away). I think it is important to see that if I do what feels good, and allow life to come to me, the security will be there. The security is in knowing this to be the truth; in trusting that I will be ok, and in knowing that, there is freedom.