Usually when I travel, it is just for fun…because I want to see something new. I feel light, open and excited as I head from home towards my destination. I don’t think much about the possibilities of the trip. I pick a few things to do (usually hiking trails…and I’m getting excited thinking about hiking now) and then leave the rest open. It feels easy, and when I get there, I find a lot of synchronicity. I used to know that I would always have the help I needed and even some pleasant things I didn’t need.

The first moment of realization that I was meant to go backpacking came in the form of a polite nudge. As I travel, listening for where to go next and when to move, the nudges have become stronger and sometimes feel like something knotting up in my chest, especially when I don’t listen immediately. Go, go, go. I’m practicing listening. I would say that things are getting easier to hear, but I often hear, “go!” way before I hear or see where.

It is in that gap that I found some anxiety building. I started to feel the weight of being alone and not having a plan. I felt like I was failing in some way. The start of the trip was structured and it was extremely obvious what the universe had intended for me. Often, the contrast between the early days and what feels like the lull I am in now has become the fuel I use to feed my feelings of failing and feeling alone.

My purpose for embarking on this journey is also fuel. I allowed the importance to become a weight instead of an inspiration. How exciting to be wandering the world on a treasure hunt that will bring some gifts not only to me, but to others? (Even now I realized that I wrote that sentence with a question mark instead of an exclamation mark; still working on it). Well, two days ago, as I wandered around a castle with a very heavy heart, I realized what I was doing. Thank goodness! Finally some space so I could see.

Being in alignment with yourself is being and doing things that raise your energy and bring joy. I was making my life mission into a weight I had to carry. The universe gave me an important mission, yes, but it gave me the easiest way to accomplish it. It gave me a way to be in alignment with what my soul wants. I am most in alignment with myself when I am having fun, exploring, being curious, seeing new things and meeting new people. I am also in alignment when I am intentionally doing things I’m afraid of…and doing things that I want to do.

I shifted my perspective and yesterday went much better. I wandered into a church and right as I did, a mass for Santiago de Compostela was starting; not a coincidence. I went to find out what activities were happening that day at the tourism office and met a new friend in the toilet line (the toilets clean themselves after each use?). It was obvious that we had met to teach each other something or help each other in some way because of how natural it felt. It was easy. This is key. It was easy, it was easy, it flowed easily. That was a reminder for me, in good timing. As the day went, she offered for me to come to visit in Morocco, where she is from. The timing seemed good and it was easy.

The last few days I have been focused on being open and inviting, and putting out warmth towards others, instead of sitting behind my wall and being “cold,” as my friend so lovingly puts it. This connection felt easy and I could feel a light warmth creeping in as the day progressed. As we parted ways in the evening, it felt as if I had made a friend. Walking away from the train station back to my hotel, I felt openness. The energy felt neutral and there was space for potential. I had no opinion, and having no opinion is good. I didn’t feel as if I had to choose what category she would go in; friend or someone just passing through. I’m getting more of this openness these days. It feels calmer and like an easier way to move through the world.

Yesterday, I shifted my perspective and embraced my old style of travel again, and synchronicities happened. Whether I go to Morocco or not, I’ll find out in time, but the important part is, after I embraced the excitement of what I was doing again, I spent the whole day finding feathers.

*feathers are a sign that I’m on the right track or are confirmation