Yesterday I was in Nice, France. I walked around the town, sat on the beach, did a small hike. I have been feeling like the magic that started off this trip has been fading and everything that has happened since the Camiño has felt either normal or just slightly synchronistic.

As I strolled along during the day and evening, I felt a bit less confident in what this trip would bring for me spiritually. There were people everywhere; the sight was somewhat refreshing after my time in the sleepy Pyrenees. For context, I brought only hiking clothes with me and I have been craving a day in a dress for a few weeks now. I guess this has been building in my focus and taking my attention, to some degree. I stopped at an outdoor market and tried on a dress. I talked myself out of it quickly. I don’t need anything and don’t have the space.

Somehow, this side-preoccupation with having one nice outfit has created a leak in the focus of my awareness. I noticed that as I walked around, I kept looking at the dresses I saw people wearing, attracted to the idea of having one of my own that was similar. After two days of doing this, I realized what had happened. I was putting my attention on the frequency of lack and of…clothing. I took a step back (internally) and looked again. I was only noticing nice dresses and outfits on the streets.

I had let my precious awareness and attention shift from the magic of synchronicity and mystical experiences, to clothing.

I thought, if I am tuned into the wrong station, perhaps I just need to tune back into what I want to see or be aware of.

I spent my hike today deciding what I wanted to be tuned into. It was easier on a trail without any people or shops. I decided I wanted joy, the mystical, synchronicity and to tune into my inner guidance. I practiced appreciating the things I have now that have enhanced my trip. I thought about how excited I was to see my brother in three weeks and how much I appreciated that he was taking a weekend to visit me and our family in Naples. I thought about my upcoming trip to the Dolomites with my friend who had walked the Camiño with me and how much I appreciated all she had taught me since I’ve known her. I thought of my Mom, who is watching my cats for me and had spent such a nice 6 months with me before leaving for my trip. I looked at the trees and noticed how many butterflies there were. I helped a horsefly turn back over after I had stunned it with a whack to prevent it from biting me. I wrote a message to friends who are important to me, asking them to help me tune into my purpose again, after a few days of losing track of myself.

After all of this, I felt the beginnings of joy. Joy is taking a long time to feel on command or from nothing in particular. It felt nice to be in the vibration today even if it was just mild. I think the joy carried me to the top of the mountain to the refuge I am sitting in now.

I took a swim in the alpine lake, my favorite part of nature, and stayed in for 10 minutes. My body felt warm and invincible. Could this have been the product of finding the frequency of joy and appreciation? Either way it felt strange that it was so easy to stay in the water. When I finally got out, I realized how much my feet hurt. I hadn’t noticed before and while I was hiking they were perfectly fine under the 20kg I was carrying.

I think joy and appreciation carried me to the top today, and that my awareness shifted a bit back towards where I want it to be. I am looking forward to finding more feathers on my day off tomorrow and to keep adjusting the dial until I find the exact station that I want.