Things are coming full circle. A month ago, I wrote a post comparing the joy that comes from having plans and allowing for more spontaneous adventures. This adventure really is still about the amount of joy that wandering around finding novel experiences can bring, but the past few days the universe has been speaking to me regarding the more practical sense of planning vs. being. Confirmation of thoughts and reassurance when I’m having fears comes in the way it is easiest for me to sense; the past few days have been no exception.

I’ve fantasized about traveling for an extended period and freely exploring the world for a long time. I suppose I didn’t fantasize about having no plans, however.

“Wow! No plans! That must be so freeing!”

An American couple I met yesterday as a result of having no plans was great company. As they praised me for traveling in this way, I realized that having no plans hasn’t felt freeing yet. I felt slight embarrassment as I compared his perspective to my own feelings.

I’ve always enjoyed having a few places to stay, a few plans, and a lot of space for the unknown when I travel. Now, I feel as though if I make plans, I’m cutting off the opportunity for

1. Learning to be free

2. The universe to bring me what is best for me.

I am working on flipping the latter into a positive and creating a loving marriage between these two perspectives. The space for the unknown is immense right now, and maybe I’m pushing myself too hard. I feel like I want to “let go” cold-turkey style, but I haven’t been making choices to allow for that. Maybe it isn’t the right way for me. What is the point of doing things cold-turkey if you traumatize yourself in the process?

So, the universe has chosen to speak in the language that I understand well, logic, and the aspect of traveling that stresses me most, logistics. I guess it is being kind in that way.

Coming to Nice felt like a stress. Public transportation has been difficult for me to navigate in the past. I also have a hard time when I have to stare at my phone a lot. In the end, everything is just a choice, so the pressure I feel is not rational. I could avoid staring at my phone and ask someone for help.

I met a couple on the bus who told me it took them 1.5 hours to figure out where the bus was and how to get tickets. They wandered around the city until the found the right place. They didn’t have modern cell phones. Sure, I got to my destination faster, but this conversation had been a reminder that I didn’t need to have a phone to find it.

When I was making plans to come to Nice, I had a hard time finding a place to stay. I thought I should try figuring it out when I arrived, as a challenge. I also had the thought, that if I couldn’t find something, I could probably pop my tent on the beach and it wouldn’t be a problem. I wanted to leave it open for possibility because the universe had sent me places to stay in the past, when I wasn’t expecting it. I did well until about 11PM the night before. Then I booked a hostel. When I arrived in Nice, I took a walk to the beach. I wanted to swim in the salty, turquoise water. I met a couple from Belgium and we had a nice chat. I stood to leave, and there, on the edge of the beach, was a tent, about the size of mine. No one seemed to care that it was there. I felt the slight sinking in my chest that accompanies self-consciousness. So, I again, was the one limiting myself; keeping myself chained to a version of myself that was less free than I wanted to be.

The next day, I took the tram, and the bus; two things that I am well known for avoiding. (I’ll admit that entertained the idea of walking 6 miles just to avoid the bus.) I love my truck and to me, having a car is freedom. At the bus stop I had a conversation with some young people from Thailand who had an opposite perspective. They said that a city had more of a soul when less people drove. You see everyone on the street, get to talk to more people, experience more than just the interior of your vehicle.

As I got to the tram, I boarded, and realized that I couldn’t buy a ticket on board. I rode it a few stops and got off. Nothing happened to me. I went to buy a bus ticket. I noticed the stress interrupting my logical processing as I repeatedly accidentally cancelled the purchase by pulling my card out too soon. I couldn’t decide how many rides to purchase. This is one of the logistical things that can be difficult without plans. I don’t want to waste money, but I also don’t want to make a habit of what I did on the tram earlier. I allow deals to complicate decisions for me. 24H pass or a single ride…I got a 24H pass so I could use it for the bus for the next day when I would free myself of the concrete surroundings and hit the mountains.

I didn’t need the pass. The universe sent me someone who paid for my train later in the day. Today, I am on the bus to the mountains. As I boarded the bus, the driver decided that it would be a free ride for everyone. The universe is gently pushing me to accept that everything I need will be there for me if I allow it to be.

Today’s challenge was to accept that I was going to the mountains without much cash. The mountain huts usually don’t accept credit cards, so I can only really afford a few nights if I include dinner. I went to the food store yesterday and asked my pendulum (which I recently learned to use) if I had enough food. It said yes. I mostly listened, and then got back to the hostel and realized that I wasn’t hungry at all, and therefore had too much food, so it was right again.

This fear of discomfort is so present and produces so much waste. Energy, time, money, food are all consumed in excess if I am afraid of not having enough. I know this isn’t just me. I can see it happening around me all day. I admire the people who I see on the street who clearly do not have a home. They are braver than I am in this way. I have to acknowledge the progress that I have made however, because I am learning slowly to only consume what I really need.

So, I expect that when I get to the mountains, and I don’t have enough cash, I’ll have to adjust my expectations and do something crazy like use my tent or take a bus back to Nice instead of hike into Italy. What I think is more likely though, is that if I am patient enough and allow the joy of the unknown to enter, the universe will send me someone or something to help me, in a very unexpected, but logical way.