I don’t feel compelled to give things a name or keep them in a category. Accepting that I may be an introvert or extrovert, knowing someone is my twin flame, functioning as if I have a soul contract with someone, etc. all feel limiting to me. It doesn’t feel like it matters what something is, as long as I have integrated what it means.

It wasn’t always like this. I used to find comfort in finding categories for the way I was or felt. It helped me understand why I was the way I was and why things were happening.

That was a time though, when I was a victim to the world; everything happened to me. I was being passive and the creator within me was dormant, waiting for me to wake up. So all giving a name to things did was give me a chance to accept the limitation and do nothing to change it.

Since then, labeling things as a practice has naturally dissolved as I have chosen to move past the limiting beliefs I had about my potential…and everything (still working). What is practical now, is to compare something I see to something that already has a name and see if it fits. If it does, I learn what I can, and then drop the label. Things have permission to be fluid this way and life has gotten easier.

All that to say, I have a friend who is serving as a very accurate and consistent mirror for me. She can feel if something is changing within me from any distance, and it gives me an opportunity to reflect and be honest. The mirroring isn’t always conscious; her words, actions, feelings, all reflect mine. It is a constant opportunity to grow, and I’m thankful I’ve gotten myself feeling secure enough to handle it. Me from three years ago may have run away.

Fortunately, we are both mirrors…so I’m not alone in having the privilege of experiencing alternating states of feeling amazing followed by feeling like I’ve learned nothing. Occasionally, it is hard to tell if an emotion is mine or hers; vice versa.

This morning, I think we got a bit tangled. The situation is so normal, but if you’ll allow me, I’ll analyze it. My friend was planning to book a ticket to meet me somewhere and overnight, I had a dream that the bus had been sold out. I took the dream into reality, and accidentally imposed my own fears onto her as I told her about the dream, then asked if she had booked something. She is very good with public transportation and I am not. I am afraid of missing an opportunity if I wait too long, which has come from years of only wanting to pay the lowest possible fare for my frequent flights.

I didn’t recognize what I was doing, but I was too attached to the outcome of us meeting up during the short window we had, that I allowed this fear to come in and speak for me, while I stood against the wall. The ticket was booked and then not that long after, she realized that there was a much better option. She told me that she never books things like that. She is very calm and rational. I know that she is, so when she said this, it helped me realize what I had done. I had become absent. When it was happening, I didn’t know what was best in terms of booking something, really. I don’t know where the busses leave from, how to get there from where she lives, etc. After the fact, the only thing that made sense was for her to take her time and pick what worked best.

So, the result was more inconvenience for her, because of my fear catching her at an in opportune moment (6AM). I know I didn’t create the whole situation, but I feel responsible for my part at least. I like to call what happened ripples. I make a decision, usually that my conscious self wouldn’t make, and then I watch how being out of alignment affects everyone around me. This is a small example, sure, but small ones add up to form habits and then personality traits.

I only want to be making positive ripples. Next time I’ll see with clearer vision before I allow fear to be my puppeteer.