I am in Stuttgart, Germany right now at my friend’s flat (apartment, I won’t pretend I’m German and call it a flat). My friend told me it is always raining in Stuttgart.

I’m in a place that is comfortable and safe. I’ve never been here, but I can tell my neurological system trusts the space I am in. I feel inspired to write again. I can feel my system unwinding. In the whirlwind of emotions, events and instability that was the past days, it was hard to process what was happening in a meaningful way. My subconscious protects me in that way (but I’m not special, everyone is the same). Energy is diverted to what is in front of me, I am present to take in information and use only what I find to be necessary immediately. I still see the rest, I just store it for later when my subconscious senses safety, and then energy is diverted to processing and creating from what I experienced earlier.

It seems obvious to say it, but a lot has happened. I’ll do my best to catch you up, but it may take a few installments to give you a sense of the version of me that exists now, in this version of reality. I won’t describe it explicitly, but hopefully you will get a sense on your own.

I haven’t gone back and read my work from early in the trip; it isn’t the right time for me to do that. Friends have told me there reads a difference between phases I’ve been in physically (Camiño vs alone, etc.). It is inspiring to hear, but also surprising, only because I don’t pay attention to where I was in the past with the intention to assess my progress. Mostly, I feel neutral about it, because it has become a common practice to observe in each day that I learn something, let go of something, or do something that shifts who I am, or the timeline I am on, forever. The old version still exists, because everything is now. I just have decided to, consciously, stay on the new timeline I evolve on to until I naturally, but soon after, move to another that is more in alignment. Each time I get closer and closer to embodying I AM (even though I know I already am I AM now…that whole everything is now thing again).

In the beginning of this process (I mean two years ago when I decided to change) I did everything I could to reinforce the acceptance of the new reality I was moving into. By new reality, I mean that I am the creator, everything is possible and there is a purpose to life. One of the ways I Pavlov’d myself was to acknowledge everything that was slightly different from the day before, no matter how subtle, so I could see that my actions and choices were reflected in my environment. My environment was and is me. Eventually, I could start to see that I really was creating everything. Small shifts (but usually significant in their meaning for me) created a huge impact on what I was seeing around me, how people were relating to me, and what events were manifesting.

This past week, I was confronted repeatedly with triggers (this word used to be perfect here, but it is used so frequently with a negative connotation that I don’t feel it conveys the proper meaning I want. Triggers generate a positive experience for me, in that I have an opportunity to grow and learn, rather than be sent to be tortured in a momentary pit full of my hurtful past experiences. If I think of a better word, I’ll replace it, and remove this explanation too long for the middle of a thought) related to old experiences I’ve had. I have a prevalent fear of being myself (again, I am not special) and saying what I truly think and feel. My brain interprets the anchor (stored experience) I have as “true self exposure = everyone leaves”. I’ve had a lot of evidence to back this up, unfortunately, but what I’m realizing now after hearing a friend talk about a trigger and pattern of hers, is that it only seems like I have a lot of evidence. My brain made the connections that seemed most logical to me. It connected familiar things together and each time it grabbed on to the connection between two things that were unrelated originally, it strengthened “true self exposure = everyone leaves”.

As my friend talked, I realized that I had made significant progress on demolishing my own assumption. She was assuming the role of a mirror again. What she was experiencing showed me clearly that I had done the same in the past; allowed my fear to change my perception of situations in order to reaffirm the same fear. I noticed that my time with her had this time changed the old perspective, rather than reaffirmed it. When I was consciously myself and honest, although many times we had disagreements as a result, she was still here. In fact, she is more than here. I’m staying at her place right now and our friendship is growing.

When I noticed this progress, I didn’t make the mistake of relating it to the kind of person she is. She is wonderful and mature, but that is completely irrelevant from this perspective. I’ve run in to this situation before, and so the only constant is me. If in the past, people did leave when I was honest, and this time, for the first time, someone didn’t, that means that I’ve made a big change within myself.

Our relationship exists for many reasons, but as I’ve discussed before, a huge one is to help each other let go of anchors or old patterns, in a really safe way (her observation). So daily, multiple times a day sometimes, we have the opportunity to be “triggered”. It is like intensive exposure therapy. It is beautiful. I love every minute of it, even if the part of me that has emotions is at the bottom of the pit and feels exhausted.

With the risk present, but low, we move through highs and lows with significantly less stress than in a typical relationship. The highs are very high, and lows very low, but they pass quickly. My favorite moments are when I can see her coming out of the pain of a trigger and realizing the opportunity it has given her to release the anchor. It’s beautiful to watch someone else do it. I do it all of the time, but I don’t appreciate myself constantly for it. I acknowledge it in the moment, but also when I feel a difference in something I do or see later. Seeing it played out in the physical reality before me through someone and not in my own head is amazing.

When I realized the progress I had made, we were in the middle of a hard moment, so as I am writing this, I’m feeling a celebration inside of me because I have the safety and space to do it. In fact, the excitement is overwhelming me and giving me a headache (this happens when I have strong emotions…probably a result from years of trying to stuff them away causing blockages in the energy flow…but I remember having headaches all of the time as a child too, so maybe the channels were blocked before I came into the picture).

This form of acknowledgement of my reality merged with another for me yesterday. I make a practice of seeing every bit of magic in each day. I like noticing the universe responding to me.

When I first started doing MNRI, I developed and excitement over every small improvement I saw in a child or adult I worked with. Wow they lifted their toes when they took a step! I would gush with enthusiasm as the parents watched their child intently trying to see the same thing I was seeing, in the same way.

As a result, I started believing that miracles were much smaller than the world has taught us. I remember a friend telling me about the first “miracle” she experienced in her MNRI journey. I have miracles happen all of the time, I thought, then said. We realized our definitions were very different in that moment.

Miracles happen every day for me. They are everywhere. Anything that gives me the feeling of awe is a miracle or magical, and the universe at work (or I AM, or me, the creator). If we reserve miracles for acts of God (I mean in the stereotypical way; everything is an act of God, of course) then the rest of life is mundane? Normal? Feels like a trap? Maybe heavy is best to use for now.

So after I dropped my friend at the bus and mourned her departure thoroughly, I drove south to drop off our rental car in a town 35 minutes away (at least minutes are a common measure between the rest of the world and the US. I had a moment thinking I had forgotten to convert something with all of the miles to km and F to C I’ve been doing). I must have gotten tuned back in to the subtle magic of the world because as I parked the car, slightly stressed and without any clue where to go next, the Italian man working at the rental place drove up and said, “pack your bag, meet me outside, I drive you to station.”

I had just been worrying about how I would get to the train station, which I knew was far from the rental office. I had planned to walk.

I went up to where he had said to meet where he wrapped up the rental in a sloppy and casual fashion, having me sign a document belonging to another person’s rental and ushering me into that person’s rental car that they were trying to return. A couple walked up and he said, “10 minutes, I be back. I take them to the station. You wait.” So Italian. I smiled and enjoyed it, while the New Zealanders who were also involved in the impromptu transport to the station seemed bewildered by his behavior.

During the trip to the station, (during which his only opinion of New York was expressed as “too much traffic”) I decided that I would just get on a train, ride it as far as I felt like, and then get off and find somewhere to stay in the place I arrived in. I looked up at the board as I chatted on the phone with my friend who had just departed by bus earlier that morning. Only Italian cities were listed, except one. Munchën; in 45 minutes. That was where my friend was connecting to get back to Stuttgart. It seemed odd. I told my friend and in that moment she said she had already checked for transport for me to come to Stuttgart.

I have to pause and give you some background. This whole “following my intuition” thing I’ve been doing has created some resistance and odd situations when I have to make choices that seem simple otherwise. My friend and I had been back and forth about whether I should come to Stuttgart. We decided in the end no, and I had left myself without plans after her departure. I tried to make plans the night before she left, and felt as if I should just wait (first bit if magic).

So we debated again.

I asked myself: I said no.

I asked my pendulum: it said to go.

Conflicting results. I said I would check the price of the trip and then get back to her so we could decide. I went to the counter, and the woman said I could only buy a ticket on the train. This was the only train like this. I asked for an estimate; she smiled and provided the same answer. I ended up getting on the train.

I almost got off, but it started moving so I sat down. It was packed, but someone moved right where I was standing, so that felt easy and like an invitation to settle in to the choice I had made. My friend and I talked some more. Both of us were unsure. I know it sounds funny (the word my friend and I use when we are being imprecise with our English) to debate so much, but doing the right thing for her and my mission is important to both of us, so sometimes decisions become complicated, especially when there are strong emotions involved. Strong emotions make it harder to hear ourselves.

I took the train to a bus then to another train because of construction. The route is usually direct to Munich. We stopped for an hour for a technical problem. Usually, I would take these things as the universe saying I made the wrong choice, but as I watched, I could see that it was setting things up for me in a perfect way.

I waited to pay for the trip. Because of all of switching and technical issues, no one ever asked me for a ticket and I didn’t have a chance to depart the train to buy one. After our technical issue, the train had to stop early at another station and everyone had to find a different train to Munich. On the platform next to my train, they announced one that was direct to Stuttgart. I felt like I was soaring. Not only had public transportation felt like a breeze to me (for the first time), even with all of the changes, now, I had been patient, and I was getting the best possible train to where I needed to go. On the new train I waited to pay. Nothing. Eventually someone came through the car. I waited for her to come over so I could pay. She checked the tickets of some others, and left the car as if she hadn’t even seen me. It was like I was invisible. Bizarre. I let it go, as I wasn’t that far from Stuttgart at this point and she hadn’t looked equipped to take payments.

When I got to Stuttgart, I found the public transportation easily and got to my destination. Everything had flowed and felt so easy. I had gotten from Bolzano, Italy to Stuttgart, Germany for $1.82 (there was a machine to buy tickets at the station for the tram in Stuttgart).

Between the space I had left open the night before, the odd train from a small town to exactly where I needed to go, the delays leaving me at exactly the right station just in time to catch the easiest train to Stuttgart, to the almost free transportation (I was worried about the costs quite a bit) and to the ease I felt while in motion, it felt like there was a lot of magic at work that day.

Now, I’m in a space that feels perfect for recovery and I get to spend a little more time with an amazing friend, who is one of the first I’ve had of her kind. Maybe the day I had getting here sounds pretty ordinary, but when you view life without magic, it was ordinary. The delays could be seen as an inconvenience, however I sat there with curiosity waiting to see why the universe had chosen this event to help me.

To top everything off, when I arrived in Stuttgart, the sun came out. Today, again, the sun is out in the city where it always rains, and I know that this isn’t a coincidence; it is the universe talking to me.