“Que bella non fare un cazzo”

That’s what we say in Naples when it is good to be relaxing. The literal meaning is not so nice, but that is what we say.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few weeks fluctuating between enjoying doing nothing and feeling pressure to be doing something. In the past, I felt I always had to be doing something…but what would happen if I chose to do nothing? The pendulum remained stuck in one position due to the self-imposed consequences of my existence only being validated by productivity (maybe). I heard about Daoism in a book I read last year and all I know about it, is that the goal is to get the pendulum to stop swinging. The pendulum, representing feelings, swings between two states of being.

Once aware of the pendulum, I noticed this in my life immediately with my eating habits. I would swing between eating no sugar for months or more, then power-eating cookies when they were presented at just the right(wrong?…neither, a) moment when the pendulum swing was at its apex. I started finding all of the pendulums in my life and working to ease the intensity of the swings. Finally, I would find the middle and the pendulum would rest after many years of absent-minded motion.

When I arrived in Cisterna, I began to realize that I had found another opportunity to stop a pendulum (among other things). This time, I was made aware through the contrast of culture between my family here and what I was familiar with at home. The people are the same. Same conversations, same personalities, etc; nothing is vastly different. Two important things, however have been consistently different: the appreciation for life and the speed of life.

Complaining is to America as eating pasta is to Italy; it is just what you do. Conversations involve more criticism and less genuine appreciation. Complaints have become a well-used currency in communication. One person complains about their hair and the other agrees by complaining about their own hair. Community and bonding through negativity is something I used to participate in. When I realized what was happening, I stopped. For a while, making connections with people became difficult because I didn’t know how to hold myself where I wanted to be and be relatable when people were complaining. It feels distant from now that this was difficult for me, however, but at present I have mostly only achieved a place of neutrality.

Being around my Italian family flashed a bright spotlight on how neutral I have been. Everything they saw and talked about was bellissimo. Maybe it has become a casual thing to say, like saying something is awesome in America, but it didn’t feel casual. It felt like everyone meant it; they really enjoyed the thing they were calling bellissimo. As a result, the tone of every conversation was much lighter and positive. Sure, when everyone talks in Italian it sounds like they are angry and yelling at each other, but it feels peaceful. There is an invitation to also appreciate the things in front of you and remember things fondly.

I’m not saying that Italians don’t complain; they do. It just doesn’t feel like a way of life like at home. So with my neutrality exposed, I feel like I’ve received some good direction for what to work on in the next few days. Smile more, be brighter (inside feeling and outward expression), worry less (I don’t do much of this anymore, but I still do it), allow more enthusiasm, appreciate what is in front of me.

As for the pendulum, it seems that everyone here is completely ok with what they are doing in each moment. If it is nothing, that is ok, if it is climbing a mountain, ok, if it is studying or working on a project, ok. They don’t seem to have any apology for it or ever feel like time is wasted doing any particular thing. I feel often like I am wasting time doing…anything. But what should I be doing that is better? I only have to do what is right in front of me. What feels like it is the right thing to do is the right thing to do. What I choose to do is always right.

It is easy to say, but in practice not as easy at this stage. I would love to be perfectly at peace while doing “nothing” or while being busy. When I’m busy, I am always moving, when I’m resting, I still feel that I should be moving. If I choose to slow the swing of the pendulum (which I will), eventually, I won’t have any feelings about whether I am busy or not. I’ll just be and be ok.

I think with the balance between the two ends, I will actually be able to accomplish much more, because as always, my energy will be efficiently directed and used, rather than opposing what I am doing because I don’t feel at peace.