Yesterday, I took my own advice. I went around the city with a smile and goofed around a bit, by myself. At one point, I got on one of those silly tourist trains that drive on the street and give you a very limited “tour” of the city. I love riding in a vehicle that is open to the air. The miniature red train was filled with mostly adults. As we moved through the streets at 7.5mph, a gust blew one woman’s hat off and somehow out of the train. We had realized we didn’t speak the same language when she had gotten into the car, but in a way in the moment her hat blew off, we did.

The three of us in the car laughed. And laughed.

And laughed harder.

20 minutes later, still laughing. When we departed the train, the women hugged me. I haven’t laughed like that in weeks; actually, I think I can remember the day and it has solidly been two months.

After that, people took notice of me. I went from invisible, boring and robotic to bright, light and free. A man (my age, for once, instead of 20-30 years my senior) and I met eyes, passed each other on the street, both looked back twice, smiling, and then continued on our ways. Another joined me when I sat down to eat lunch alone and stayed for the duration of the meal. I didn’t feel attached to who they were or if they were interesting to me, I felt happy to have some signals as to where my vibration was.

Even though I had started the day with the intention to be more myself, I know the laughter is what pushed me even more into being my intention. Laughter always does this for me. Later at the museum, I played a little. My friend played along. It felt good to start to unite with the version of me that I like the most.

Often, right before I fall asleep, I ask the part of me that bilocates or astral travels in my sleep (the truly unlimited part of me) to accomplish something for me, or help me. When I wake up the next morning, I notice a difference in my day; sometimes I have less fear, sometimes something physical has changed, etc.

Last night was interesting because my request manifested in a way I didn’t expect when I was traveling in the astral realm. I remember being in an open area with lots of white chairs facing a stage. The chairs were loosely organized into rows. It wasn’t a full crowd because it seemed like we were a group rehearsing for something. Eventually I realized that we were making pitches for fundraising for community projects; something I’ve never done.

When I was young, I loved being in front of the class. I remember working on dioramas and costumes excited to show everyone what I had done. Then, at some point, I became very afraid. I remember the moment. It was the 4th grade talent show. I stood in front of the class preparing to sing the Amy Grant songs I had memorized, and then a pang of intense fear hit me. I was frozen. My body was stiff and my eyes could only look at the ground. I couldn’t dance. Now, I’ve improved, but my body still kicks into a fight flight response even though my mind is calm.

This place I was in during my travel last night, felt familiar. I may have visited once earlier this week but forgotten. I must have anyway, because I had a pitch written out for the group or project idea I was representing. I had it hand-written out on white paper, which is what I would do in 3D life. It is just a way of mitigating the effects of fear; I never look at the paper once I start speaking. We watched several pitches and as my turn approached, I remember telling my partner for the project that the script didn’t feel relevant anymore. I needed to say something different.

I wandered around in the last few minutes before going on stage trying to decide what to do. In my mind, I started crafting a new speech; then I stopped. I decided to just go up and speak from my heart, which meant to channel what needed to be said.

In that world I don’t have emotions, but I still have the reactions I would have if the situation called for one. For example, if I encountered a threatening spirit, I would understand that it was a threat and decide to move somewhere else, but I wouldn’t feel afraid until I came back to 3D. So, as I went on to the stage, I began to speak. I felt calm. I had expected the usual fear, nervousness, self-consciousness and tripping over myself (which doesn’t happen when I prepare), but the words came out smoothly and they felt like the right words. I returned to 3D shortly after, because the shift was so profound! I woke up because I was so surprised that I was able to speak off the cuff without issue and feel nothing while doing it. I remember the experience as if it was a memory (because it is one) and stored it this way as well.

The request I had made to myself before I fell asleep was to remove any blocks related to being my true self. I suppose I didn’t have any expectations when I slipped into sleep after making the request, but when I was taken to this stage, I hadn’t realized how important this particular block was. It makes perfect sense now. The idea of being seen unedited, unpracticed has a huge impact on whether I am able to be myself. It branches far beyond public speaking.

Lately, people have been recommending improv to me. I’ve never had anyone recommend it before in my life. I can see the value it would have, especially in reinforcing the work my astral self did last night. So, it is no surprise really that I was taken to this place to speak. Maybe I was missing the messages in 3D so when I finally made the request for help, it had to be really clear in the astral realm.

I don’t think I necessarily have to seek out improv. I’m traveling; it wouldn’t be impossible, but I wouldn’t have a consistent group (they must do improv in India?). There are a lot of ways to integrate the practice into my regular life though, so I’ll start with one of my favorite games: speaking nonsense in a subtle way. I’ve found throughout my life that almost no one is able to play with me, but maybe if I start doing it again, those people will just show up. I know if I carry that vibration, they will.