In the days when I would speak in an unconscious way, I remember ending up eating my words usually within a few hours or days of making any opinionated statement. Today was the first time I had this experience I’m so fond of again.

I came to India ready to explore. I had found my curiosity again in Greece and wanted to keep the train moving. Swept up in the motivation, I forgot why I came to India; to heal. As I’ve gone through just the first few days of treatment at the Ayushakti clinic, I’ve realized what this opportunity means. It is an opportunity to let a whole bunch of internal garbage go, yes, but it is also blocked off quiet time to get reoriented with my purpose, and maybe even to get some things down on paper. Maybe even to make a real plan and organize my thoughts.

I woke up at 2:02AM the past two nights in a row, but I think I looked at the clock at 2:04AM, so I checked both sets of angel numbers, which I never do (my Mom is more interested in angels than I am). The first was advice to let go of what wasn’t serving me because it was time to move into the next phase of my spiritual journey; a time to seek out things that would help me in the long run instead. The second was that it is time to take action towards my goals and make a plan, instead of just thinking about them.

The first message reinforced something I had been thinking of the night before. It has happened before in my life that I have focused attention on people who were not serving my greatest good. I only say this because at the time, there were people around who were really supportive and interested in my well-being that I was paying attention to, but not investing time and emotions into in the same way. Last night, I had several friends contact me and really show interest and support. I was aware that I had a choice to invest the same energy back, or continue as I had in the past and pour energy into other relationships that may not be lasting or supportive of my long-range goals.

After I read the meaning of the angel numbers, I went downstairs for treatment. My new friend was sitting there waiting for hers. In our conversation, she told me about how she had chosen the path of buddhism many years ago. It felt like a natural path for her and she felt it was a good decision to focus on something. She felt like she had all of the tools she needed since making the choice. Well, without knowing, her words had directly supported the message I had gotten earlier. The feeling that I have to make a choice has been haunting me lightly for the past few months. I had asked for guidance months ago and as a result I had a dream that told me that I needed to pick a path and focus on it. It wasn’t clear to me what my choices were, however. It feels like there are so many and none are as concrete and clear as a choice like Buddhism.

Just as I accepted the universe’s recommendation to start focusing, I was off with new friends to explore the city. I was doing what I had wanted to, but now everything seemed different. Open, adventurous Alana was just brought out, and now I had to put her away again.

The Ganesha festival is just starting, which means that there are parties and punjas, street dancing and music everywhere. As I’m sitting in my room ready to sleep, the crowds in the street have been hammering on snare drums for over an hour with the intermittent boom of single-shot fireworks mixed in. I am so tempted to run to the street to see what is going on, but I know that it is time to focus. Yes, I’ll go dance, but the overall energy of what I want is now different. Now, I want to know what exactly my choices are and what the universe wants from me. I’ll happily eat my words for the sake of clarity.