Yes, I am still here at the Ayushakti health clinic. I have one more week before I move on to the next adventure, which I wouldn’t categorize as a typical Alana adventure. After receiving a very obvious sign from the universe to visit Auroville, an intentional community/city in the southeast of India, I found myself resisting the idea. I asked myself using muscle testing if it would be in my highest good to go, and the test was positive. Then I asked if I wanted to go…it said a clear no. Ah.

“What can I do to let go of my stuck emotions?”

I asked my friend this question a few weeks ago. We were mid-Akashic reading at the time; something she helps me with periodically when I’m wanting confirmation, clarification or calibration.

“There is something about you being able to let things go more easily in the water.”

I had experienced this phenomenon early in the trip (and also many times unconsciously/consciously in alpine lakes) when I was able to exchange my inner turmoil for confidence and peace simply by taking a swim in a river and moving the bouncing energy out into the flow of the cool water.

The day following the message from my guides my friend had given me, another friend messaged me with the contact of a person in Mumbai who I could spend time with. The woman and I talked on the phone to get acquainted. After a brief explanation of where I was (Panchakarma, with which she was familiar), she told me of a place in the southeast of India that has a water-based therapy that helps release stuck emotions, that she thought I would like. HMMMM. That was clear. But I still wanted to resist. Something about knowing what is a clear yellow arrow and what isn’t.

As I’m writing this post, I’m having a memory flash of a dream/travel I had several months ago where I was writing this post about having difficulty hearing my intuition, when I was clearly hearing my intuition. I think the direction of the post can change now that I know I’ve already written the one I was going to write…it doesn’t have to stay true because I saw it. The only times I’ve had real trouble hearing my intuition were when I was feeling fear, attached to an outcome or having a desire/lack of desire to do something (see above example). If this article was any attempt to make sense of something for myself, mission accomplished. I’ve re-written the rest, since I can see what a goofball I’ve been. Sometimes it is hard to see the obvious when you’re spun up, and even harder to act on the obvious when you’re spun up.

I made another decision based on a very clear sign recently, and so far haven’t had any buyer’s remorse. In fact, I haven’t thought about it at all since I made the decision. This was a big decision too (compared to the size of decisions I’ve been overthinking lately and avoiding making). I committed to stay one month more in Mumbai and to become certified as a yoga instructor. I know I am capable of trusting the signs and myself as I did here, but I have chosen not to do it many times.

With the course, I know I have no attachment (I did not feel called to become an instructor) and the need I felt to improve the state of my body more before I booked it has waned. I had however, asked for a clear sign, and so when I got it, it was easier to say yes because I didn’t have any feelings about it. It seemed clear cut. Maybe that’s what surrender is. Maybe that’s what surrender feels like at least. Peace. Sort of. Almost. I still had my share of worry prior to the decision, but it wasn’t related to the class specifically. The class is a great idea and will definitely serve my highest good so it can’t be a wrong choice (right/wrong, good/bad don’t exist anyway).

There was a lot of reflection this week, but also a lot of fun synchronicities. For example: I realized (again) that I’ve given away a lot of power to others to avoid making choices, but I manifested cold papaya seconds after the thought, instead of the usually luke-warm version they bring out of the kitchen (no cold food in Ayurveda). The times this week when I’ve made firm choices have been really positive, and the results were not what I expected. Some of them have resulted in more manifestation.

In a conversation with a Buddhist friend, I realized that she was manifesting things without any intention to, or acknowledging them as her doing. In fact, it seemed like because she is on a path of surrender, her definition of things that were manifested was completely different. To her, these were gifts or blessings, and came as a result of following the path. To me, they were a direct result of my thoughts and feelings; a way of seeing how I was affecting the world around me. But weren’t we saying the same thing? According to the Gita, there are different paths to Krishna; the yoga of action, wisdom and surrender (renunciation of action). It seemed to me that our souls had just chosen different paths of yoga. If any of them fit me the best, it has to be the yoga of action. This brought the question: why am I having such a difficult time pulling the trigger on decisions? Especially when I primarily have evidence of being successful. This should be pretty natural for me, however this is a path or a journey, and I’m meant to learn from it, not automatically be a superstar at it.

As I’m writing, I will have only taken three days to commit to the next stop I’ll make on my trip (the recommendation of which came in a synchronistic way), instead of five plus, so I’ll take it as progress. I’m excited for the time when I take responsibility for making decisions and trust my sense of what is a good idea easily, but I know when that happens, there will just be another challenge for me to overcome, so I may as well enjoy the one in front of me right now.