“Pull your field in”

I sat on the edge of my friend’s bed in the homestay she had rented for her family in Hue. I always thought that having an expansive energy field was a good thing.

“Your energy field is big. If someone was sitting next to you on a bench, they might be uncomfortable.”

I had gotten the idea a year earlier from someone who can sense these kinds of things on people. I was just learning how at the time. I adopted the perception that a large field was desirable that day.

“Pull it in from your crown. You want less space between the particles.”

My friend held her hands out around the space where she sensed my field to be. As I pulled it in, she walked in closer, crouched and arms positioned like she was carrying an inconveniently shaped sack of batting.

“There. Good. What do you feel?”

I felt peace.

Maybe the particles were too spaced out. I am always seeking understanding, and develop understanding through trial and error, so it is easy to take ideas that makes sense and adopt them as reality. Why not? The issue is that, it can be really easy to take ideas from outside, while completely missing the ideas coming from inside; basically throwing a white sheet over my intuition. Fortunately, it is this tendency, not my intuition, that has been retired at present.

“Ok, great, now expand your field into the 5th dimension”

A month and a half later, I laid on my back on the hard mattress in the cabin on top of a plateau in Thailand somewhere. The woman leading the meditation spoke roughly and moved quickly through the steps, bringing us to our heart center. I was able to keep up. I had struggled to generate attention and energy in particular directions and towards spaces early in my meditation journey. I had forgotten that it was once difficult until this moment.

Expand your field to the 5th dimension? I knew what she meant (not because I had heard of doing this before, I just knew and made it up) and did so, but thoughts of the exercise I had been practicing since Vietnam were coming up. This woman in the meditation was asking me to do something different.

These days, I don’t worry about if I’m doing something correctly or not. I’ve learned that when it comes to the quantum, and 3D, you can make up anything you want, and it works just as you intend it to.

I’ve also found that the less information I have, the better. It is like traveling without plans: everything is open, and anything can come. There is space.

As I listened to the meditation and the woman mentioned things like soul activation crystals and the star chakra, I felt happy to not know what she was talking about. So much knowledge felt like weight to me, and a weight of the past. I used to crave it and it got me somewhere, but I ended up on a circular track instead of driving up the mountain. Too. Much. Knowledge. There wasn’t enough space for me. As my Camiño friend would say, I wasn’t feeling.

I met a guy on the airplane…excuse me, I was placed next to this guy by the universe very obviously. I could tell in the terminal while we waited for a customs officer to show up at 4:30am that there was something him and I had to…do? Talk about? Exchange? We had to something.

As I boarded the next plane, I was not surprised to see that he was sitting in the middle seat, unconsciously waiting for me to arrive. I sat, I slept. When I woke up, he started talking. We talked the rest of the ride, and for 4 hours in the airport. The topic: everything mystical, and by mystical, I mean real. He did a lot of warning me about entities. A lot.

I am working so hard to view the world as neutral, and even before that project started, I have never believed in evil. Everyone is at their vibration. Everyone has their traumas. Everyone has an opportunity to change. But further, even though I’ve encountered spirits that felt threatening in my astral travels, I still don’t take on their existence as a part of what I believe.

When friends talk about them, I put an energetic wall up to keep the ideas from penetrating my mind. If they exist, they exist, however, it doesn’t feel necessary to give more energy to them. To me, this feels the same as acquiring copious amounts of knowledge. Knowing can narrow perception, if one isn’t solidly able to hold neutral. Narrowing perception and outside information can cover up intuition and places limits on what is possible. Definitely don’t want entities to be something in my field. But really, I hold them in a different context.

I acknowledge, but I don’t “believe.” For example, I definitely accidentally exorcised something out of a patient one time (it was obvious when two different voices, one cursing and screaming and one politely apologizing took turns while I worked), but generally, I keep the idea of being possessed a few levels away from me. I listen in amazement as my friend tells me of similar events in her practice, but I keep a distance. The ideas are not a part of my being. It just doesn’t feel like my job to know.

These days, now that I do listen to my intuition, it is easier to hear ideas, and “take what resonates and leave the rest” (tarot readers always at this phrase). That made it easy to listen to my friend, the woman leading the meditation and the so welcomed companion from the plane. When I didn’t trust myself, I gobbled information from others, without much questioning. I was left a collection of ideas, and having no idea what I actually believed.

I feel that the less attached to the information I am, as in I don’t need the information to help me, the easier it is for me to filter what is helpful. This of course makes sense, and feels obvious. Maybe it isn’t obvious. That’s for you to decide. As usual, it seems like everything comes back to attachment. At least this is a concept that I’m getting to “do,” and sometimes “be.”