“What did you find most fascinating from my healing?”

Gosh. For the first time with ease and without that feeling that I had something to apologize for, I reported that I couldn’t remember her healing. Although I had performed the healing just last week, what I had seen during my work had slipped from my awareness minutes after the conclusion of the session. At times, it started to slip before I could even report on it in the post-session summary recording for the client.

“What did you find most important is a better question”

She was amazed by the specific details such as her right ear being clogged and the attire of the man she had been on a date with the night before, but she connected most with how I had highlighted how lonely she was feeling.

I’ve been receiving the elements of a remote healing technique for about a year and a half. Now, I practice it regularly to help clients heal from a vast range of physical, mental and emotional issues. I don’t remember much about the loneliness this woman described, but as she told me how important it had been to hear it in her tired, ill voice (post-healing sickness for sure) I remembered how it had felt for me.

Do you remember when you first stepped onto your own spiritual growth path? Excitement, intense motivation? Or was it just all fear? I remember being so excited to finally know what that hovering, heavy feeling that I was missing something and to know that there was something I could do; the feeling served a purpose. Shortly after this followed the disgust at having seen myself clearly and how much of a mess I was creating on a daily basis. The sweet sting of awareness was more like a charging semi at that point.

Although I don’t remember it clearly, despite having spiritual friends I had met at Joe Dispenza events, the majority of people I was surrounded with on a daily basis had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned meditation or energy and almost none were “awakened” themselves. Forgive me for using that word; I mean it without connotation. I would be upset if it came off the same way “saved” often does.

I was spending all day intensely focusing on watching myself, my patterns, breaking down the energy that had led to the outcomes I didn’t want, wiping the sludge of unwanted personality traits off line by line, and meanwhile, it seemed that everyone else was still stuck just being the way they were: unhappy and not responsible. I didn’t mind at the time; I was just happy that I wasn’t stuck in that place anymore, but there were times when it did feel lonely.

I’m sure most people on any path traveled by the minority feel this same deep loneliness at some point. It’s so heavy and feels like your soul is being flushed down the toilet. Crippling at times, but you have the spiritual knowledge to override it, so you do. No reaching for outside things.

You can do it yourself, right? You only need you, and you are everyone, so how can you be lonely? That’s what this is all about. Being one with everything. Merging with source. The things we tell ourselves to cope early on. But, in time, I found that it isn’t.

We are here to be humans, and a part of being a human is to have community and to welcome support. But if you can’t find it because you aren’t vibrating at the frequency you need to be at to attract those people, what do you do?

You focus on getting yourself to the point where you are you.

The reason we feel lonely and ostracized is because of all of the things we’ve accumulated that aren’t who we truly are. That complicated version of us needs outside approval to maintain the charade we’ve been putting on. It needs to be validated and loved. It needs to find others who are in a similar situation to feel safe. It longs for community.

When you start shedding the beliefs, behaviors, qualities, habits, stories, etc. that you’ve used to compensate and cover yourself with, you release attachments and are left with you. The closer to the true you you are, the less you need. You become your own home and then being a part of a community becomes a choice instead of a need.

She asked me what modalities I used to get past the loneliness, and I wanted to share what I did: I exercised, I read and I applied what I read, then I followed my intuition. Here are the steps:

1. MNRI – reprogramming the subconscious and freeing trauma from body/mind

2. Joe Dispenza – learned to meditate and to watch myself, developed ability to shed unwanted self, habits and stories

3. Michael Singer – learned what surrender meant, then learned how to surrender and let go of attachments

4. Eckhart Tolle – learned what being present truly meant and became present; cleared my mind

5. Learned to work with energy for self healing and remotely for others; understood the effect I was having on the world and my life

6. Started following my intuition and learned to trust myself (in every day life and went backpacking to accomplish this)

7. Developed focus on purpose greater than myself

8. Still learning and sometimes, you grow and feel lonely again for a brief time, but if you let it be there and understand what it is, it will pass.

Yesterday I asked the universe to give me clearer signs and clearer direction so I can take steps forward on one path towards my purpose for now. I couldn’t see it right away, but minutes after we hung up I could tell the universe was speaking through this woman to me today. After she listened intently to my abbreviated story, she produced the following: you should be a speaker.